The journey towards finding “The One” starts way before you set your eyes on them. I kind of feel that most single people spend time searching for the one and forget to work on themselves to being the one. The result is almost inevitable. Imagine with me for a moment, a singles event full of such people. It’s like two ticks sucking each other’s blood. It’s a gross example, but I hope you get my point. Please read on…
In these times that we’re living in, the pressure on singles is at an all-time high. This pressure comes in different forms. Pressure from parents and relatives, to social media glam photos and status updates, to close friends getting married, even workmates going to dinners with their partners and leaving no detail unmentioned, it can make a single person feel like he or she is missing out on the ideal life. Today, I want to offer you a different point of view. With biological wiring and social programming, it seems that we “have” to be in a relationship that at some point leads to a happily ever afterlife. And if that doesn’t happen some may consider their life incomplete or even a failure. I have seen many successful singles with most of life’s boxes ticked but are quite miserable because of their single status.
The thing that I learned when I was single is this; when your life is filled with joy, friends, and some passion that wakes you up every morning, it feels complete. The “Need” for someone is no longer an urgent or pressing one. And I believe is that at the center of it is love, self-love.
I am not talking about ego narcissistic self-obsession but gentle and kind compassion. And there are so many reasons to be that way. Firstly we don’t see things how they are, we see them how we are. Without a genuine love in you, all you have is an ego-clinging to things outside trying to fulfill the need to be loved. The ego will try to turn a person that you want to love you into an object in an attempt to fill the bottomless barrel of “never good enough”. When you focus on cultivating that self-love in you, automatically, the people around you will be attracted by the light in you, the light that you emit. You can only give what is inside of you.
Secondly, if you are complete, imagine what life would be with someone who is on the same wavelength. Imagine walking into a room and meeting such a person and you both voluntarily choose to be with each other. It’s no longer a “need” but a desire to share the beautiful life that you have with someone else.
Could you ever stand yourself up if you took yourself for a date? You can trust that you will be there when you need to. So in a way being single is an opportunity for personal and spiritual growth among so many other things. Why bypass such a golden chance?
Enjoy your single days to the brim. The secret to happily ever after enjoying your own company. That’s right! If you stay content and develop a growth mindset in your single days, once you cross over to the married status, the same contentment and growth mindset will enable you to enjoy being married. You will never long for the single life because you milked it for all it’s worth.
May you find love that you seek. And when you do, may it find a whole and ready you because if it does, it will last.
All the best.
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Marriage Mediation is a conflict resolution process for couples who are experiencing destructive conflicts but are committed to remaining married.