4 Unexpected Lessons in Shattered Dreams

2017 was finally here. Things were looking up and the year looked fruitful than ever. With clear expectations, we knew how it could play out, not just the year but the next few years. This time, we had it all figured out. We had prayed and fasted for 2017. The ducks had all lined up. So what could possibly go wrong?

Nyamu had been accepted into a prestigious graduate fellowship program starting in the summer. This fellowship came with a full time job which meant lots of experience in her area of study. We had saved enough to get our own place in the north shore of Boston. Joe was finally going to pursue his dream of going to professional photography school. Oh we also had just survived our first East Coast Winter, and that’s a big deal for any African. (can we get a witness) We dreamt of the summer days ahead, walking to school, from our small cozy apartment dressed in shorts, shirts and maasai sandals.

As we were to find out life has its own twists and turns and a funny way of turning out.

Those dreams were shattered in a million small pieces. And it hurt so bad, real bad. It happened faster than our minds could process.

There we were, unable to go to school, back home without a plan or clue on what’s next. We were not prepared for it all. It literally felt like a blackout. Most days it feels like we just groping in the dark. There is a long story for how our dreams got shattered but for the sake of this blog post, lets just say we got “Trumped” up. Now if you don’t know what that means look it up.

Losing your dreams is messy business, there is a lot of crying especially on Nyamus part, and waves of emotions that throw you in to disarray.

We remember the times in church when we authentically lifted our hands up singing to Casting Crown’s song “Good good father”. But sincerely, how could a good father do this to us? How could he give us things only to take them away and leave us clueless and confused? What about all the fasting, what about his good and perfect plans for our lives? How can you trust such a God?

We got into a space when we questioned everything about our lives. Could it be that we are not good enough? Or maybe we were made to suffer and never meant to have the finer things in life. We felt guilty. We questioned every aspect of our lives. We wondered if we did the right thing at the right time, of if it was our own personal decisions and actions that lead us to this dark time. Or was it just the result of a broken world? We were desperate for answers or at least an explanation of what we were going through.

We felt shame. In some days we wondered what our families and friends thought about us. Could they  perceive us as losers?

We were absolutely clueless about what to do. There was that feeling of defeat. Life beat us down and we didn’t know where to start. We dreaded mornings because we did not know what to do with a new day. We woke up with only one goal, to survive that day.

As we pick up the pieces we have learned some unexpected lessons, we thought we could share with you all. Now do not assume that any of these lessons came easy, some we hard to accept and some showed us that life even in its worst state still holds some beauty,

Lesson No 1

God is God, and that’s not about to change: When you are going through tough times, somehow it always feels like you are in it alone. People’s lives around you seem so perfect and smooth sailing or not as bad as yours to say the least. It’s really hard to pray when everything is falling apart. When you wake up and your circumstances are the same and not about to change soon. At such moments, it’s quite logical to question God’s faithfulness. We kept asking where God is in all the mess. Why would a good God bring us such pain and suffering? Does he really care about us, or does he have more important things to take care of like elections disputes in Kenya?

Accepting God’s sovereignty is a difficult lesson. Tough times have brought us to the knowledge that God’s will prevails over and above ours. Accepting His will over our lives is a humbling reality, but in the light that He is a good Father we find peace and comfort.

Lesson No 2

You can dream again:This might be hard to believe, especially if you’ve just had your dreams crushed. Dreaming again takes time and courage. Courage in the sense that you know that even your new dreams might be shattered but you still go ahead. Shattered dreams equip you with valuable lessons for the future. Remember, the future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.  It’s like learning to walk. You never gave up just because you fell a couple of times. Never stay down, just keep trying. It’s a decision followed by some faith and hope. We had to tap into our reservoir of faith and hope that had almost gone dry. We believe that our dreams are not territorial, or linear. We believe that our vision still remains and there are many and different paths to get to it.

A good friend once told us this; “The ability to start all over is what sets apart extraordinary people from ordinary people”. When you think they are down and out, you still see them going.

Lesson No 3

Life goes on: It’s not just a line from 2-pac’s song. Life really moves on for you and for everyone else around you. It’s the beauty and tragedy of life, it moves on. Even the darkest night will be followed by a morning. Undeniably, there is a time we just wanted to sit and mourn how unfair life has been to us. We had to learn to move on, to new dreams, to better and happier days.

Lesson No 4

Growth happens in the Valley: When we climbed Mt Kenya in 2015, we were so ecstatic to get to the top. The view was breathtaking. We were literally in the clouds. It was quiet, snowy and cold. It was all rock and stones. As we carefully descended, we noticed that the valleys is where the vegetation grows and the most beautiful flowers bloom. It is in the valleys of life that the most significant growth of your life will happen. Where our hearts have been broken is where our greatest harvest is. This valley has pain, brokenness and disappointment, but God will use the same valley to heal our broken hearts and feed our hungry souls. He will use these moments to grow your faith and trust in him. Though painful, this is a time for growth.