I have been thinking about this for a while now and the best way I have found to describe it is that I think there is a spot in everything that is true. Once we have touched or experienced the spot, it stays with us and we crave going back to it, and feel empty when we are not experiencing it. One of the ways I have experienced this is in my relationship with my wife.

Just the other day, we were having an argument over something. I could feel that the thing we were arguing about wasn’t the thing, and that there was something underneath that we weren’t able to touch. For me, it was like an itch that I wasn’t able to scratch. For once, I had the power to stop the argument and say what I was feeling.

We both slowed down. We both acknowledged that we were off the spot. We kept slowing down and kept naming everywhere it felt like we were not fully harmonious. And then she said something like, “i can feel that it is true and I still want to completely disagree with you”; and in that moment we could both feel the connect. The feeling of congruence in the connection between us. We were finally both on the spot.

There was so much relief and an openness in the connection between us. It wasn’t that we had resolved the issue, but there was undeniable truth between us and it felt amazing! One of the qualities of the Spot of Congruence is that If we experience it unconsciously, we won’t know how to get back there consciously.

So, we either try and forget about it or think it is coincidence when we occasionally experience it. If we experience it consciously, then we will feel mad and frustrated until we touch that spot in everything around us. And I mean everything – relationships, friendships, work, passion, purpose, life….everything!

Being in sync with my wife enhances our friendship. I’ve often found out that whey we’re in sync, it’s so easy to work together, to forgive and to overlook the issue of the moment that we are disagreeing about.

But it all starts with me. When I fall out of sync, my wife often picks this out, especially if I have not been spending time with God. I tend to be uncaring, not understanding and not pleasing to be around. I want to have that feeling in every area of my life, all the time. I want to live there. It is because when I am in congruence with myself and with my life, everything feels effortless and in flow.

Have you ever felt like that? If so, please let me know. I would really like to hear about it. Stay safe and COVID free.



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Marriage Mediation is a conflict resolution process for couples who are experiencing destructive conflicts but are committed to remaining married.