#Relationship Goals

There is a new couple in town (on the internet) and apparently, they are causing quiet the buzz. They are Mr Bon and Mrs Pon(they are actually real people) and the internet cannot get enough of them because they wear matching outfits. They have been married 37 years, live in Japan and recently started wearing matching outfits oh we should mention they both have grey hair and wear glasses. And they are trending with the hashtag #relationshipgoal. We know you have seen the relationship goal hashtag or have even used it at least once. The other day we were talking with one of our close friends, they have been married for a little longer than we have married about the whole #relationshipgoal and we agreed about just how misleading it is to both singles and couples.

We live in the generation of coveting other people’s lives. Envy and jealously is probably our biggest vice as a generation and social media has played a big fat role. We spend so much time, looking at other people’s lives and thinking #goals. Don’t get us wrong, it is not bad to be motivated and inspired by people who you think are doing better than you. But therein lies the problem. Are they really doing better than we are?

A lot of singles are entering the dating scene, with mind-blowing “relationshipgoals” in their heads. The other day, we were catching up with one of our single friends. This guy has made significant strides in his career. But we were astounded at how he approaches relationships. It was almost like a corporate strategy. His list of expectations was quite intimidating. It’s always about finding that polished partner who has their life all figured out to the letter. The reality is that even if he met this person, you will start figuring life out…together.

Had we started with the end in mind, we could never be married, and this blog wouldn’t see the light of day. Mwende, a good friend of ours says, “If you get married you will go through a specific tailor-made process for your marriage that has nothing to do with another’s marriage. Your marriage process has a lot to do with your marriage mission. Marriage is a process of working on all our weaknesses and foolishness together to a place of maturity”.

Think of marriage as a mission from a higher being(God) and every team (a couple) has a different mission, and right from the start God is giving them the tools to make sure they are successful in their mission, and how long it takes is up to God. If you understand this and constantly remind yourself of these truths, then you will stop using other relationships as a measuring stick for your own.

Truth be told, both of us were neither husband or wife material when we got married, but we didn’t need to be, we just needed to survive the first date and like each other enough to go on the next date. Those dates grew into more dates, engagement and a very eventful courtship culminating to marriage. We treasure each step of the journey because it got us to where we are now and we believe that God’s mission for us is still ongoing. So this is the advice we have for all our single friends out there. When you go on your next date don’t weigh yourself down thinking what kind of husband/wife your date will make. Just enjoy the date, and if they’re boring, enjoy the food. J

When you meet a potential girlfriend or boyfriend, don’t worry about trying to figure it out, to be honest there are some questions that have been answered after a couple of years in marriage. Question to you, is are you willing to trust the process?

If you want to lose the habit of comparing your relationship current or potential remember these three things; First, looks can be very deceiving, so don’t admire a relationship by what you see. Secondly, couples show their love in different ways. What’s your love language? Lastly, if comparing your relationship ends up in hurt, don’t do it.

Married couples, remember we are to give realistic advice to our single friends, not based on the future and our own situations/marriages. Brenda, whose Nyamu’s best friend, in her words says “Single folks look up to married people for guidance and advise and it may set us up to raise our expectations and be gravely disappointed…..It’s great that we have people who have gone ahead of us and we can learn from your experiences but then again we also need to make our own mistakes and learn from them….so yes we get excited about a relationship and share the nitty-gritty details and we listen to your counsel but when things go wrong or we need some clarity provide that and allow us to decide for ourselves…….so that I don’t feel like I was pressured to making certain decisions coz of your views. We couldn’t agree more.

Back to Mr Bon and Mrs Pon. They started matching outfits after 37 years of marriage. Now, we are not in the know of what made those years, but what we see is the fruit of those years. What you see on social media are also the fruits of many sleepless nights, anguish and lots of tears. Your journey to marriage will be solely yours and your partner .It will have absolutely nothing to do with another couple’s journey. Be unique and give the world an opportunity to learn from your story.