Mentors Rock

In two weeks, we will be celebrating 3 years of marriage. Yeah, three good years. It literally feels like yesterday when we were puzzled about who is going to be our best couple. Speaking of the best couple, for some, even before you find your mate, there’s that one best friend who we’ve already booked to be our best man or best maid. You have had awesome moments in life and just cannot imagine a better fit. But it gets tricky when you must agree as a couple. That is a decision all couples have to make. For us, we were quite fortunate to learn about the importance of having a mentor couple in our pre-marital classes. The adage “Only listen to marital advice from couples whose marriages you’d like to emulate” was our guideline. We were very intentional about choosing a mentor couple. We choose a couple that would walk with us past the wedding day, into marriage. Though these guys were not able to attend our wedding, we thank God for inviting Dorcas and James into our lives because they have contributed to our marriage thriving.

Marriage is like the stock exchange. Haphazard and unpredictable. You have no idea of the challenges that lie ahead. It could be anything; financial strain, ailing parents or simply adjusting to the husband wife roles, not to forget children. That’s why we all need mentors, people who we can run to when like our Pastor likes to say “poop hits the fan”.

In our marriage, we have learned key reasons for surrounding ourselves with a mentor couples and peer mentors. First, they helps keep our marriage on track. Lets be real here, staying sexually pure while dating is a quite hard. If you don’t have people who will hold you accountable, there are high chances that the “icing on the cake” will be eaten. Our mentors not only helped us in the journey, but they also helped us to cultivate mutual love and respect for each other especially in times when we found it hard to do so.

Our first year of marriage was somehow bumpy. With our conflicting personalities, every small problem felt like our marriage won’t survive. If that is you, don’t sweat it. So long as you have someone to talk to, it will be fine. Our mentors brought in that much-needed sanity. It is better to hang around people that don’t look at your issues like as this huge problem, but as a challenge aimed to help us grow. Basically, they help to not sweat the small stuff.

When you argue, it seems like it is always your spouse’s fault. Ever feel like that? Especially when things don’t work out the way we expect? Our mentors always have a way of bringing perspective into our issues. These guys help us to see the faults in ourselves. It is quite humbling to say the least.

Marriage has been getting a bad rap these days.  “Happily married” has become an oxymoron.  Our mentors have helped us see our relationship through the “glasses” of time and love. Having a positive perspective has helped us become better spouses by believing the best in each other.

When you have a close example of a happy marriage you have hope and faith in the institution of marriage, and that faith is essential to making your marriage work. There will be times when you will feel lost in your own problems, that is why you need mutual friends who are on the same journey as yours. These guys show up unannounced and break the ice barrier between you and your spouse. When they show up, you can be sure of two things; a good laugh and good food. Oh, and at the end of the day, the gap on that 6×6 bed will reduce.

God has blessed us with mutual friends that have made our marriage journey worthwhile. When we learned that Dorcas and James could not attend our wedding, one of our mutual friends Robinson and Audrey (The Mwanikis) stepped in to fill those big shoes. These guys have been equally exceptional and present all through.

As we conclude, we have learned that great marriages are not book perfect. They are made by couples who have modelled their relationships after thriving ones. Mentors need not be married for ages, you just need to have the same values. If you do not have mentors, we strongly recommend that you think about getting one. We are happy to announce that both the Muchai’s and Mwanikis will feature on the next blog posts sharing their journey of love and the lessons they learned along the way. You cannot afford to miss the flow of wisdom that we will all be blessed with.