I remember my wedding day like it was yesterday. Like every other special moment our marriage the events are clear to me. I remember the frustration of a house full of bridesmaids and aunties trying o prepare for the day. I remember walking into the church area wondering why the colours were different from what had been discussed. I remember thinking how beautifully the potted plants we had chosen for our décor had come together to compliment the place.

But what is even clearer is the confusion of the days leading to the wedding. James and I had fought so much I wondered if we would make it down the alter so as I walked down the aisle to him the only thing that made the walk easier was knowing without a doubt that he was Gods choice for me and he stood there waiting for me knowing that despite our differences I was God choice for him.

It’s been 5 years and counting and I have learnt many things but the biggest lesson is that I have to choose to fall in love with James and him with me in every season of our life together. We have many different seasons in our life together and every season changes us.  The seasons have either made us stronger or weaker, sad or happy, angry or happier. Through every transition our emotional make up has changed and many times our spouse cannot prepare for the change that will come. When I was a girlfriend I was different. I changed when I became a wife, a mother, when we moved to a new country. I changed through challenging seasons in my faith and as I grew older. I was an emotional wreck the week of our wedding and I did and said things that could easily have ended our relationship. Thankfully our best man was able to help James understand that my emotions were my reaction to this new role I was stepping into. So James waited patiently and loved me inspite my meltdown.

Now in our 6th year of marriage we are two different people. We are different from our emotional make up to the weight on the scale but we choose to fall in love with the new version of ourselves because love is more than a feeling, it’s a choice.  Society has taught us to summarize marriage and love into a series of romantic gestures and butterflies in your tummy. Most romantic movies end with the wedding day but what happens after that. Love is a daily decision and marriage is work.

What else have I learnt?

  • Be willing to trust God to choose your spouse and if you see red flags when dating walk away
  • Don’t base your best couple or best man and best maid purely on friendship. Instead choose people you can trust with your marriage. People who will talk you off the ledge when things are tough as well as people who will celebrate with you when things are going well. But most of all people who will always be praying for you.
  •   Marry someone who you can love at their worst cause marriage entered well has no exit clause.
  • Fight your battles on your knees. Not every battle has to be a long conversation. Most times asking God to fight for you yields better results.
  • Enjoy joy your spouse. Marriage has many good days mixed in with some very bad days but where there is love there is joy.

We always joke with James that in 30 years we will have figured out our dance of marriage but until then we step on each others toes but we keep dancing and enjoying each other.


Dorcas and James



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Marriage Mediation is a conflict resolution process for couples who are experiencing destructive conflicts but are committed to remaining married.