The other night we were chatting with a bunch of friends. One of them had been asked by someone who is about to get married;

Is marriage hard?

Is it a monotonous and mundane experience?

We were all curious to hear his response “marriage takes a lot of effort but most people are just lazy”.

His sentiments, as profound as they were didn’t mean much until later when I was at home and gave thought to what he had said.

We have been married 7 years and are in the season where we know things are not what they should be. We hardly spend any time as a couple, have little energy for conversation at the end of the day and always busy with either work. errands, or the baby.  After much introspection, I realized laziness has a lot to do with the current state of affairs.

I found myself being lazy in the following ways;

I give 1000 excuses, the baby being my most commonly used, work, life, etc. All these are justifications to when I am too lazy to make meaningful chat, too lazy to endure a hard conversation, too lazy to indulge a little bit, too lazy to schedule a date night or some time alone.

I am yet to finish on a few projects in the house. The dining table still has mismatched chairs, and the wall is still devoid of photos.

I take my time(read days) to organize messes. 

I love requesting for help, my husband, my sisters(a lot, especially my small sister) for things I can do myself. 

I have slacked on my appearance. While I say, I am a natural beauty, the last time I had my eyebrows tweezed was before our son was born. 

I say I am tired, even when I am not. 

The thing with laziness, especially in marriage is way more complex than just keeping the house clean. It’s about giving the best efforts possible to you and your marriage, it’s about keeping the romance alive, not being selfish, cherishing your spouse, maintaining your appearance (yikes), making effort to really communicate, not initiating sex and not remembering and celebrating important dates; anniversary birthdays, etc. The truth is I fail on the above accounts.

I want things to be different so I have to do things differently. I need to step out of my comfort zone and make prioritizing quality time alone together as a couple. a priority in our marriage.

What does that mean? Avoiding working long hours, scheduling date nights (actually using our date night jar) and communicating about more than just the baby, work and bills and getting my eyebrows tweezed 🙂

Its time to be honest and ask yourself these questions if you have been lazy like me ;

Are you lazy in your marriage?

What does your laziness in your marriage look like? 

Have you identified why you are lazy?

What do you think your spouse feels when you are lazy? 

What are you going to do to get out of your comfort zone and give priority to your marriage?



We’d love to help you!

Marriage Mediation is a conflict resolution process for couples who are experiencing destructive conflicts but are committed to remaining married.