“Unconditionally Bae”

“We all need love,

Nakupenda,

Tena nina imani sana

Ushanitega, ushanitega

We all need someone,

Nakupenda,

Tena nina imani sana

Ushanitega, ushanitega

So make love to me,

Unconditionally bae, unconditionally bae”

Make love to me

Unconditionally bae, unconditionally bae” 

We don’t know about y’all but every time Sauti Sol and Ali Kiba’s jam plays and we are together, it’s time to put on our dancing shoes. Everything about this jam is on point. From the video itself to the tune, to the words… No doubt, it’s a feel good song and who doesn’t like a love song especially unconditional love.

The concept of unconditional love is something we have all heard especially in relation to marriage and relationships. Whether you are dating or looking forward to dating in the future, there is a desire to be “loved unconditionally.”

Unconditional love is known as affection without any limitations or love without condition. Basically unconditional love knows no bounds and is unchanging. It is caring about the happiness of another person without any thought for what we might get for ourselves. Unconditional love says; “No matter what you do, I’ll love you anyway”. Wow! That sounds overly idealistic. But let’s tone down the fairytale romance and get real here.

Forget about the textbook definition. Is there such thing as unconditional love? What if he is more of a visitor than a regular at home, or she flirts with other men? What if your spouse decides to love someone else? Let’s not even go there.

As Christians, we have been taught that Christ loves us unconditionally and we should extend the same kind of love to our spouses. It was not long ago, when we were at church and the sermon was on God’s love and how we as Christians need to respond to His love. We won’t bore you with the details of the sermon, but let’s look at the most famous verse we know… “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life” (John 3:16). This means that, in order to have eternal life, we must believe in Jesus Christ. In 2 John 1:6, we understand that the principal proof of God’s love is walking in His commandments, meaning obedience. Our part to play as Christians is to believe in God and obey His commandments.

To demonstrate his point, the pastor went on to say that his wife doesn’t love him unconditionally (P.s his lovely wife was seated at the front row.). We both looked at each other like whattttt! He went ahead and explained that there are certain things if he did, his wife could definitely leave him, and vice versa.

During our pre-marital classes we did an exercise that involved naming and discussing our deal breakers. Deal breakers are things/behaviors that if happened, could lead to the end of the relationship or marriage. It never occurred to us that we were basically setting conditions for our marriage. We took each other with everything we brought on the table, all the imperfections and shortcomings. We also have certain expectations for our marriage. So yes, we believe in setting certain conditions for our love to thrive. If Joe did certain things, I’m very sure Nyamu would be on her way out, and vice versa. The truth is there are certain things or behaviors that could potentially ruin or even end marriages and relationships alike.

Just as salvation comes with strings attached, so does marriage. Just as our relationship with God is bilateral, where we must fulfill our commitment for the relationship to thrive, our marital relationship is also bilateral. A successful marriage is one where both husband and wife care for each other by meeting each other’s needs, and avoid hurting each other. We work together to build a successful marriage and cannot promise unconditional love because a great marriage is a joint effort that requires many conditions.